Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
