When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
