she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
