I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
