She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
