Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
