Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The air was thick with penises
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
