Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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