pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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