I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
