Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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