I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I want is dick and wine.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize