dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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