so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
