I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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