then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
