Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You can't motorboat a personality
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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