I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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