Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
