I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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