so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
