Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
