I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
