under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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