I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
high people should be assigned attendants
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
