i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
