i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
