how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
