I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
