I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
