why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
did i just pee glitter
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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