Pants 0. Shit 1.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
