the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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