I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
