so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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