The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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