look no pants
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
