I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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