I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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