She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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