so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
