Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
