I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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