just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
