Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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