Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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