Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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