I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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