I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
