My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
