I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
