I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
