i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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