I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
