Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
