My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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