i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
