New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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