you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
