So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
